At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
