Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
