If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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