if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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