I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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