ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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