i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
