She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
