I'm really into asian looking animals
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
