Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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