i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize