just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
