Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
