So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You've changed since you got that strap on
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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