it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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