You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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