Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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