perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
