The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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