how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
