WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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