When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
