Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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