Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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