P.S. I can't hear my feet
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
