she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
