Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
