I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
