the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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