When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
