apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
