i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
