I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
