walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
