just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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