so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize