9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
