Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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