Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
