well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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