I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
