By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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