just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
