you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
