Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
