One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
