so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize