If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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