his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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