No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
