and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
