So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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