I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
