Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
