Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
