Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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