No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
