HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize