you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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