i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
