i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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