i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
