You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
