I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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