I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When did angry sex become our thing?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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