oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
