you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
