i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
