does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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